this is the real thing....

You will enjoy this.
You will find the blood and pain release addictive.
Even though you think you can make a few tiny cuts that aren't deep,
And will heal easily ...
They will get deeper. They will scar.
They will sometimes take months to heal.
And years for the scars to fade.
If you think you can limit the cutting to one area of your body,
Think again... It will spread when you run out of skin.
Be prepared to withdraw from others and live in a constant state of shame.
Even if you are the most honest person ever to live ....
You will find yourself lying to the people you love.
You will jerk back from your friends when they touch you as if their hands were dipped in poison.
You will be terrified that they will feel something under the cloth of your shirt,
or because it just plain hurts so much to be touched.
Be prepared to get so out of control you fear
your next cut because you don't know how bad it will be.
Just wait for 10 cuts to turn into 100....
Be prepared for your entire life to revolve around thinking about cutting .
.cutting and covering up cutting.
And just wait till that first time you cut "too deep."
And you freak out because the blood won't stop... And you are gasping....
And you feel yourself shaking all over.
You are having a panic attack and you are terrified but you can't tell anyone.
So you sit there alone...
Praying it will be ok swearing you'll never let it go this far again...
But you will, and further.
Don't worry,
you will learn how to take care of your cuts so that you can go
deeper and deeper and avoid the ER.
And the better you get at treating your cuts the deeper they get.
You will lie to yourself and justify it when you find youself spending
20, 30 or 50 dollars every time you go the pharmacy.
You will feel the flutter of your heartbeat everytime
you go to the counter to ring up your order.
Butterfly strips... 3 or four different kinds of dressings.
.. Betadine.... Antibiotic cream.. Medical tape.. Scar reducers.....
You will tap your foot impatiently hoping the line
will just move and no one will stare at you or wonder why you need all these things.
And at the same time secretly hope someone will notice...
Someone who is standing in line with an armful of the same supplies...
Someone who understands but of course that never happens.
Medical supplies won't be the only thing you spend all your money on.
Be prepared to buy a new wardrobe...
Longsleeve shirts in summer colors, bracelets, wristbands, boots... gloves..
the list goes on and on. You will start looking at everyone in a different way...
Scanning their bodies for any signs of scars or blood....
Just hoping that you might meet someone like you so you don't feel so terribly alone.
You wont even think about it .. As your eyes scan their wrists + arms...
Hoping just hoping they will be like you.... But they are not.
You will see their clean arms and feel terribly ashamed and alone.
You will start doing a lot of things alone.
You will always have to wash your laundry in private
so know one sees the blood stains on your clothes and towels.
You will always be cleaning up the blood..
Scrubbing your bathroom floor... Wiping the blood of your keyboard...
You won't be able to make it through a day without cutting....
Next thing you know you are in a public bathroom somewhere breaking open a scab with a sewing needle that you keep in your wallet for emergencies.
When you get really desperate anything will be a cutting tool ...
scissors...a car key...a needle ... a paperclip..even a pen.
Doesn't matter what it is if you need to cut bad enough you will find something.
Say goodbye to things you took for granted. Like wearing shorts or sandals...pedicures...sleeveless tops.
A normal summer day at the beach or in a swimming pool will become a far off memory for you. Get ready to itch.
Because you will itch and itch ...
"so much you will look like you have fleas or a skin disease."
You will become an expert on your body as you destroy it carefully..
You will dream about cutting... you will dream about being exposed.
It will haunt you day and night and take over your life.
You will wish you never made that first cut because while you absolutely hate cutting...
At the same time, you love it and can't live with out it...

studying for final exams~~~

no is not my exam paper... jus finsihed doing sum exercise oni.... and yes i do study!!! :) especially when mr yau n ms yi is around, is impossible nt to study as they r v v strict~~~ hahahaha!!!!!!! exam was coming up... n most of us still go college almost everyday to hang out , study, eat lunch n so on so fourth

u cant study completely without at least certain aentertainment right? well we put our dearest little sis up there as she has a hard time coming down... n 1 by 1 take pictures n video clips of her .... yes we r strange... weird... crazy... :)

t4 - everything i wrote on the board... yes!! :) i did it all by myself... what was it again? oh ya eoq ... n sum other stuff lah cant remember now.... mc , profit, marginal cost, blah blah

this jus goes to show michael does study~~ sumhow ... sumway... suprisingly ~~~ :)

me and sean doing homework set by mr yau yau himself... o look... his lookin at us doing homework... nt lazy right?? bt hopefully we all can pass lah... fail also i hope oni fail 1 lah... donwan fail all... really pain lah if faill all sob sob :(

Outing wiv Bill Bill

Well if i remember correctly...
we went out wiv Mr bill as it was teacher's day

in fact i didnt even knw teacher's day exist until suyi told me

im like huh? i cant believe u actually hav a day for teachers haha!~~~
the day was friday if i remembered correctly... n the class was suppose 2 b from 8am till like 6pm or something like that....

but like they say.. if ur in bill's class
ur most probably having a blast

n yes every1 had fun
as it was the last day wiv bill i think
basically i think the whole day we were jus having fun

nvr really study or anything like that

the pictures will explain a little bit ~ :)

i don think i need to explain anymore who this 2 arses are la :) suddenly that day everyone jus like to take pics doing stupid stuff or whatever it is... basically every1 was crazy~~~~ :)

i told u guys didnt i ? hanyang is a must play ... toy i wud call it.... hadri n him is every1's toys hahah!!! seriously... oh by the way... his wearing a pink underwear i think... hahaha

here is two cuties - we call them chien chien n hazel ... well 4 yau.... he calls her sumting else which i don even wan to get into details lah.......

anyway we drove like 4 cars there.. well im sure mr bill had a nice experience sitting in sum of our cars.... or shud i say our driving.... lol~~~~~ we ate in a korean restaurant... is alright lah... okok oni for me.... bt the bowl they giv us... make me feel like im in prison..... lol~~~~

see the bowl of rice? thats the bowl im talking bout... the meal was around ermm... 15 bucks per person... n whats worst? self service to refill water... omg~~~ slap 9 them i tell u ~~ o by the way my meal was beef wiv rice n dono whats those other stuff lah ahahahaha as sean finsihed the rest~~

me and ms suyi, brought her big big camera go snap here snap there... ala~~ :)

me and my dearest mui mui hazel and jenny. sean's favourite ... better dun say.... hahaha~~

n then the group photo~~~~~




After that we went back to class at hmmm 4pm? lol~~ n then every1 jus like so tired then bill as being ever so nice let us go early... most of us wouldnt take him as a lecturer but more of a friend... well good 4 us then.... lol~~~

Hazel's birthday

Today is hazel's bday, but too bad her bday fell on the extra classes that we had, so we cudnt celebrate much wiv her :) too bad~~ n she was so sad when all of us told her that we no time 2 celebrate wiv her as we r bz wiv exams n classes so have to wait until after finals oni can celebrate wiv her... then she show her sad face aiya so bad la ..this la.. that lah.. sob sob lah hahaha!!! then half way through the class.... lights off... cake coming in from the door... bday song sang... then she knw alreadi la... wah so happi keep jumping up n down.. u can see shes so happi lah... ahahhaha!!!! so happi or not? :) i oni have this photo... as the rest of the pictures r wiv suyi since she brought her camera...

then me sean yee chien n yau went to pyramid to find her a bday present ... ended up we pass by mcds.... took ther ballons... yau trying to do the big mac chant in 4 secs... while we were watching ppl doing the big mac chant ... then after that it took us an hour to find hazel present.. n believe me .. is worth while :)






before i show u the pics... heres a video clip ..... well oni hazel n jenny knws... n i bet jenny's bday hazel will take revenge :)

enjoy the video clips ppl~~ :)- bt heres the rest of the pics that we took during the time :)

heres the present we brought 4 hazel :) nice fat pig!!!

sean n yee chien wanting to take picture in front of mcds wiv the balloons while yau is behind there trying out the big mac chant??? haha!!

yes suyi trying to tell me act cute.. o gosh....

hahaha for those of u who wan the rest of the pics... head over to suyi blog at sister1199.blogspot.com :) adios

Sean's Birthday

this is just a starter for those of u who are interested to see how a guy will look like with cream all over his face :) enjoy for now hahaha!!

this is a video clip of jus one of the many games we played... sure many of them who was in the game had lots of fun in it i presume? :) hahaha!!! o ... by the way ... the incredients are ... curry... lemon juice... or coke cant remmeber...... did i mention... alot... alot of curry sauce :)

And this is the video clip where we brought an extra small cake jus for the birthday boy's face! :)

So Sean's 20th birthday, for those who went... well i guess laughter n stomach pain and embarassment was the oni thing there is there... :) but we had lots of fun as u can see from the video clips... one last thing... L : change the word is the worst piece of sh*T movie in the world..... it is a waste of time n money... nt to forget the bold head boy bring in the cake into the cinema... omg hello? are u nuts? heres a picture of the bday peeps :P is a red theme except 4 ultra man as his bling bling today nt working... happi 20th bday sean

College Life~~~~

Finally back after lets see... a year since i last blog?
well this is mostly for myself lah
not for anyone of u :) unless ur my close 1s
hahahahaha
this is jus for memories so in future i can look back to see what i did this year
:P
lol

so where shall we start?
oh yea....
since the time when i was struggling for a certain reason at the beginning of the year
but luckily i have been busy wiv lets see..
play ... play... play... n college
n club... club... party.....
till no study
n i oni started studying one month b4 exam
bad?
ya
but luckily i have great friends who helped me through this n kinda changed me to studying a lil bit
which is gud 4 my future i suppose?
lol

where shall we start?
oh ya let me jus say a shout out to a few ass peeps in college ya :)

As im only writing this blog during my holidays so of cos i start wiv college first right????
lol~~~~
ok mind u ~~~~~ in colleges ur not close to everyone

ur be v close wiv a few

n close wiv another few

n okok wiv the rest

n like stay away from a few

right?

lol~~~~~~

ok lah let me start d lah

Wyn Yau - well what can i say about this heartbreak kid? First and for most, his a playboy, plays girls heart like theres no tmrw. like a girl , then when the girl like him, break her heart n move to next girl. haih ... what a friend right? really heartbreak kid lah.... hahahaha..... ok get serious lah.. in college his one of my 2 closest friend i wud say... can b like best friend in college d lah.. alwiz hanging out together, playing basketball, eating, alwiz tease him, n most of all... his my teacher. hahaha he helps me wiv my studies.. if not i think i'll end up getting 0% for all my subjects. a friend that i cud put my trust to.. appreciate it la dick :) hahahahaha

Sean - The other close buddy i was talking about besides the heartbreak kid, this guy is the softheart kid.... always sincere and love a girl means love a girl... unlike sumone rite? lol~~~ another basketball player that i play my ball wiv, jus the same as the heartbreak kid lah, i trust him too lah, a gud friend, a gud buddy. study well if he put his heart into it, another joker, wait till u hear his laugh, and don forget he is a C*CK S**KER hahahahahaha!! alot of ppl knw bt this... as im typing this... im already laughing la omg!! hahah!! gain appreciate ur friendship dick~~ :)

Su yi - who can forget about the class event ? the class rep.... the class idol? lol!!! the one that lets see.... look " slutty " and don even get me started with the stripping ..... in front of thousand of innocent eyes ... some nid 2 go toilet after that.. sum nid 2 vomit... aiya hahaha!!!!! anyway this girl i tell u ... is one of a kind.. besides the stripping n the sluttyness lah :) shes a smart ass lah .. alwiz getting insane results.. but sumtimes she put herself too much pressure to achieve all those crazy results la.. t5 shes the girl.... bt most of us wud say shes gud in t5 cos she love mr BILL bill.... ahahaha a decent frend who sumtimes can b a bit crazy~~ :P hahaha

Hazel - my little sister... or shud i call brother? which is which ? ala i dont know lah.... haha!! but shes as cute as me... bt we all knw im cuter lah like duh? haha!! nolah nolah she v preety one... she self proclaimed :P she alwiz wanna act cute.. forever nid 2 pose wiv those finger n postures n aiya u name it she got it 1 lah omg!! haha.. v funny and cud make jokes of her every single day... shes the medicine that keeps me laughing till i nid 2 go toilet n do my business!!! haha like bro n sis? perhaps lah... bt i lub her lah :P funny mui~~~~ pyscho too!! haha

Francis - dont know whether to call him gay ... because he loves to touch guys... god knows why... and don even get me started wiv the goosebumps all of us have... or call him ultraman chiak... thats bcos he loves ultraman... everyday do ultraman pose... wiv his blinking ding ding dong dong thingy... chiak here chiak there ... destroy what? blue monster? comin out from doors... omg!! seriously... this guy is crazy!! so heres a ultraman to those of u in nid of a superhero.. u knw where to find him.. contact me for booking n reservation. :)

Yee Chien - this one lagi more cute!! she eats like a hamster... she sleeps like a chipmunk.. and omg u jus wanna play wiv her!! pinch her!! cuddle her!! whatever it is that there is!! :) shes like a teddy bear!! in human form!! n seriously shes that cute!!! haha even cuter than me n hazel combine :) nxt timeput a video clip of her!! u guys judge urself lah :P cute man omg!!!! pinch!!!!!!

Wei Hao - there are blur ppl.... there are v blur ppl.. n there is v v v v blur ppl.... but there are oni one ultra super duper blur guy... n this is where wei hao come in... he is the blurrest of the blurrest.. everytime ... huh? what? really? huh? wow.... what? wei.. what is it? huh? i don get it... r u saying him? her? or me? or ?? huh? what? omg!! hahaha this guy can make u laugh n u dun even knw it urself lah... mr blur guy is this guy's punya title... n he rightly deserve so... n also take a look at the way he shoot his basketball.. chun siao!! must look at the floor one!!!

Hadri - class rep .... a joke? perhaps... maybe not... maybe... i donnno.... the shortest n smallest guy in class... u have no idea hw fun is it to touch his head, play wiv it... or mabbe to us... bang wiv it... we alwiz tease him n alwiz carry him n throw him around... at times injury does happen.. bt hey is funn rite? we do it like once a week or something....jus scared he one day will call police or something... haha we call him the botak boy... seriously!! play wiv his head n ur knw what i mean :)

Jess - small little girl but brain dam 7 big... cute also lah... n shes alwiz curious about relationships n this that.. which i wont go into details lah of cos~~ a friend that is funny ... alwiz look like she jus wokeup ... n all that lah... shes a nice friend who can hang out wiv often.. who will put a portion of her time 4 friends to study n all that kinda stuff... regarding ur ahem... i'll keep2 myself n sean ya :P

Han Yang - besides hadri, this is the guy we do all our fun games on... when hadri not around... we target yang yang.. thats his name :P hahaha... everything we do on hadri, yang yang going to get the same treatment... the above picture is jus one of the fun stunt... there are times when we want throw their head out of the window.. or bang their private " xxxx " to the chair... hhhahaa. his a nice guy who is a liverpool supporter... well sorie to say.. ur nvr beat man u in anything.... so keep trying sucker!!! :) hahahahaha

Jenny - well in C.A.T who dont know her? after sean famously gave her, her nickname, Big Gigantic Crab! I dont want to add anymore comment to this lah... as im seriously laughing my ass off while writing tis... trust me... is painful .. haha!!!! jenny... remember the c.s? i donno how to play plz teach me :P hahaha sure u luv that part dont u ? bsides that jenny is terror siao!!! drive so fast!! omg u can laugh ur ass off seriously :P

Chai Hui and P Wern - omg this two i telll u ... are the smartest of the smartest... if there are 20 As to get in college, this 2 will get all 20 As ... they r like twins as they are both so dam smart... seriously.. cudnt find anyone smarter than this two... trust me when i tell u... omg!! crazyness~~~~ LOL!!!!!! when r we going genting ar? we better go out more b4 p wern leave to her course wei!!! :P

Rumm and Aiman - dudes~~~ this r my clubbing kaki!!! n my smoking buddies~ nt that i smoke of cos!!! hahahaa .... both of this cool dudes r great buddies... good laughter... eh when clubbing yo... holidays d.. if u see me in club wiv my classmates... this 2 r the first on my list... unlike ppl who scare to club... heartbreak shit.... hahaha!!!!! rumm is a funny dude... n so is aiman lah... but i bet no one can forget about one guy who smoke wiv u all ? hahaha remmeber??? hahaha!!! stress!!! rite? hahhah!!!!!

Hadi and Lisa - both cousins in our class... group... is it really cousin or what? till now also i donno... cos they dun seem close.. they hardly talk 2 each other.. but both share the same fate of layan some bird Sxxx ... many of u guys shud knw wat im talking bt... bt is it a honour hadi? to b his best friend? or is it a honour for lisa that he likes u ? wowowowowow ahhaha! till now i still can remember the valentine day :)

well the rest - too bad... im too tired to write anymore~~ thats enuf for today :) hahahaa